Autobiography

‘Who I Was’

            My past is the memory that will always remain in my heart. Writing this autobiography has helped me remember all the great and distressing moments I have in life. Everyone has a journey to go through and it’s up to each of us to write a wonderful and interesting novel about our own lives.

            To begin with, I was born in Taiwan, Tao Yuan. I went to the primary school when I was around 4-5 years old but after a few months in Infant 2, my parents decided to move to Belize. I was very excited at first since I had never been on a plane. During the flight, it was a disaster for me because of the pressure in the atmosphere and I didn’t have the appetite to have anything but milk. Belize was so different from Taiwan in culture, language, people, etc. It felt as if I landed on mars and from then on, my life changed. At first, I missed Taiwan so much. I didn’t have any friends here and didn’t know how to speak English, so there was no way I could have communicated with the people around me. I was very scared at the first day of school because of the new environment and people. But time after time, I adapted to where I am; Belize became my home.

            I never really got awards in the past, but the achievements that I have received were a 2^nd placed medal in a running race when I was in the primary school back in Taiwan, an award of good conduct during my primary school in Belize and some other awards for different subjects during my first and second form in high school.

            Back in the days, I would rarely get into serious accidents due to my calmness, but one of the past physical traumas that I can remember was the time when my brothers and I were playing on the street. I fell on the floor and hit my lower lip on a rock. I don’t remember how much pain I was in, but I do know that I got a stitch due to the scar that I have now. The most painful inner trauma I went through was on a huge fight about my future. I was so hurt for the fact that none of my family was on my side when we were debating about what I wanted to do for my future studies and career. Thinking back about the situation, I felt at that time I really wanted to end my life. I thought to myself, “if not even my family can understand what I want and support me, then what’s the point living in this miserable world.”

            As I remembered, there were many happy and sad moments in my life. Everyone has their own roller coaster to ride; sometimes it goes way up and sometimes it falls way down. It's hard to really pick the happiest moment in my life, but when I think back about the past I can surely say I loved my childhood. Everything seemed to be so beautiful back then, seeing as there were no trouble, no pain, no argument and no stress. There are many things I don’t remember about my history, but many pictures remain and it showed that I had a wonderful past. When my birthday came, my mom had to buy the cake maybe a week before my birthday since it was on the week of new years where no bakery shops were open. Everyone would be invited to celebrate and enjoy ourselves. Therefore, I would definitely say that my happiest moment was being with my family and friends. One of the sad moments that I can remember is the death of my puppy. I don’t know how it happened but all I remembered was the moment I sat beside him crying till I was dry. What made me feel really silly was the fact that I can picture the dog was already decaying, ants were all around him carrying away pieces of him, his eye ball was gone and yet I was still there crying and petting him. I would really consider that as a scary moment as well.  Another sad moment would be leaving the friends I had back in Taiwan. I had this very great friend that I looked up to as a sister since I have no blood-related sisters. On the day going to the airport for our new adventure to Belize, we both cried so hard that it was really difficult to say goodbye. I never liked good byes, it's very heartbreaking when you know you might never get to see that person again.

            I wouldn’t say I was living in a dangerous life but several scary moments have affected who I am now.  The reason I am scared of height for what I can remember, was the time my second brother decided to give me a life lesson or something. He tricked me into going up a storage room with him where there was a ladder that leaded us to a top storage space. I went up with him and the next thing I know, I was up there alone. The ladder was gone and he on the floor laughing at me. I began crying for my mom but sadly, she wasn’t home. At that time when I looked down at the floor, I was terrified to see how high I was (it wasn’t really.) I almost fell since I was there screaming and begging my brother to take me down but he was evil, he stood there laughing till he got bored and finally my oldest brother came and rescued me. I hated my second brother so much because that wasn’t the only scary thing he did to me. The other thing that I can remember was the time both of my brothers planned to scare me with cockroach. One of them chased after me with a dead cockroach and the other had the camera following us. I knew they were going to do something terrible and sad thing was when those things happen, my parents were never home. I can slightly remember what happened since I saw a picture of me running with fear and crying for my life and at the background was my brother following me. That is why I have a terrible fear for cockroach.

            I am pretty clumsy, therefore I do have a lot of embarrassing moments. I remember once we had a basketball game and this guy wanted to pass the ball to me so I could shoot (What happened wasn’t pretty; I wasn’t an athlete and I didn’t like sports). When I turned around to catch the ball I was too late because the moment I turned to get the ball, it came straight to my face and BAM! I went unconscious. Few seconds passed and I came to my senses. I was on the floor when my friend came to pick me up and I realized how stupid it was being hit on the face during a game, but I didn’t care about the game. I cared about the fact that the ball hit my face and how much it hurt! I was so embarrassed when my friends started laughing at me but I mean if I was the audience I think I'd probably laugh as well.

            I can remember clearly about what my life changing moment was because it was so serious, the memory was printed in my heart. I never really had a good relationship with my family and it was really sad to think back about it. Before, the only time I have contact with my family would be during breakfast, lunch and dinner, other than that, I was in my room. One day, my family decided to have a meeting about my future. I wanted to be a cosmetologist but they gave me many reasons why I shouldn’t. I kept thinking why they had to keep destroying my dreams and what break my heart was something my second brother said that made me feel I was the disgrace of the family and I was no good. I had a really low self-esteem and what they said made me feel even worse. Nothing can ever come between me killing myself but my family. The meeting ended after I started crying and no one was there to listen to what I wanted to say, instead they moved on with their lives joking around and it was as if I was not in the room with them. So I left the room thinking, "I guess life's better without me." I went into my bedroom crying and decided to end my life there thinking no one would have noticed. I started cutting myself when luckily my oldest brother came. My door was locked and I didn’t want to let him in after seeing what I was trying to do to myself. He stayed outside and explained to me about life and that I shouldn’t think that my parents doesn’t care, etc. After he left, I calmed down a little and began to think back. What had happened lead to the people that influenced me. Knowing I never had a good relationship with my parents, Beryl, a girl I grew up with and is proud to call my sister, found out what happened. She explained so much to me and told me instead of wishing my parents would change, why don’t I change. I knew then, I was actually the one pushing my family away from me and therefore I made a change in my life. I would sit down and have a chat with my mom about her past, annoy my little brother, have some family time with them and let them know that I am around. It felt so different, but it felt really good. I really thanked Beryl, for she had opened my eyes to see what I can do to change instead of just standing there and hoping others can change. She made me realize how much I should cherish my family before it's too late. Deep down I know how much my parents cared and loved me, just that they didn’t know how to show it through actions. My relationship with my family improved; my little brother never really considered me as his sister before, but now he would always come around and see what I am doing or play with me. I would go shopping with my mom and do stuffs together. I had less fights with my dad and would try to tolerate each other's temper. My older brothers would understand me more and help me out when I'm in trouble. I'm glad I made a change because now I live a better life.

            My mom is my number one role model. Even though she is just a house wife, she's the bravest hardworking person I ever known. She was the eldest among her brothers and sisters and she had to work and help her parents maintain the children, therefore she didn’t get into high school. My mom went through a lot with my dad because they got married within three months of knowing each other and their attitudes didn’t really match. I grew up seeing my parents fight, and even though I didn’t really understand the situation, I knew my mom was in a lot of pain living with my dad. Seeing her go through so many chaos just to deal with my dad, I felt really sad for her because I knew she deserved better than that. My mom never really knew how to cook back in Taiwan but after living in Belize it was hard to get use to Belizean food so due to all the practices she became an awesome cook. From a young age, she began learning to sow and up to today she would design the curtains, bed sheets, mattresses or anything with cloth. She is very organized and neat and I love her for who she is.